No Other Way
by Jaiya
Summary: KJ Jaina finds she can't sleep with so many thoughts plaguing her mind.


**Title:** No other way  
**Author: **Jaiya  
**Genre:**Vignette  
**Disclaimer:** Everything belongs to Mr. Lucas himself, and the wonderful writers of the NJO series. The title comes from a song on Jack Johnson's album, "In Between Dreams," and the lyrics at the beginning likewise come from his song, "No Other Way".

**Notes:** Last night at about 3 in the morning, I woke up and could not for the life of me fall back to sleep. So, rather than just lay there worrying myself to death, I picked up the notebook next to my bed, and came up with this. So, as you read it, just keep in mind that it hasn't been beta read, and it was written in the wee hours of the morning. Please forgive my mistakes! I hope you enjoy this little fic...actually it's more like a ball of fluff really. Thanks for dropping in!

**"No Other Way"  
**_When your mind is a mess, so is mine  
I can't sleep, cause it hurts when I think  
My thoughts aren't at peace_

What is it about the darkest hours of the early morning that awaken every fear and anxiety that has been hidden from view throughout the day? Is it that in the complete silence, there is nothing else to distract us but our own thoughts? Can't this in fact turn us into our own worst nightmare?

I hadn't slept in three straight nights.

"Jay? What's wrong hon?"

I started at the sound of his voice, so close to me. Even after eight months together, it still surprised me to find him so near.

I rolled over, and saw him propped up on one arm, gazing at me gently.

"How long have you been awake?" I questioned in return. I hadn't even heard him stir.

Kyp took his free arm and brushed a piece of hair from my temple, softly tucking it behind my ear. He left his hand resting on the side of my neck. "Since you woke."

I covered his hand with my own, and grasped it tightly.

"You look exhausted. It's been a long week for you, go back to sleep," I said.

He'd been away for the past few days on a mission performing duties for the Council. He hadn't arrived back until earlier that night.

He shook his head, "No. Something's bothering you. Talk to me, Goddess." Though it used to irritate me, I had grown fond of him still insisting on calling me by my old nickname.

I offered him a small smile, and squeezed his hand, "I'm fine; just not tired. I'm thinking, that's all."

I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wasn't convinced for an instant. There was such compassion and concern staring back at me.

"Really," I persisted, "go to sleep."

He tucked his arm beneath his head – for a moment I thought he was going to listen to me – then drew my hand to him and kissed my palm lightly.

He said, "I won't be able to sleep until your mind is calm as well. You haven't been sleeping lately."

I cocked my head to the side, startled by this. "How did you know that?"

It was Kyp's turn to smile. "When you're this uneasy, I can't simply ignore it."

My exhausted mind still didn't understand his meaning. "I could sense you were troubled," he explained more bluntly.

I felt guilt settle upon me. "I'm sorry I prevented you from resting. I didn't realize my own worries were affecting you."

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "What's yours is mine, right? Now tell me what's bothering you."

I searched for the right words to describe my thoughts, but found that I couldn't. "I don't know. It's just," I bit my lower lip, "everything seems so complicated."

He waited quietly for me to continue.

"All my thoughts are so entangled I barely know what it is. I worry about things," I finished weakly.

He started rubbing small circles in my palm, which he still held. "What sort of things?"

"Everything!" I said, exasperated with myself. I sighed and closed my eyes. "I don't know."

The silence enveloped us like a thick blanket.

"Jaina."

I opened my eyes and met his. Again, the deep passion and love that danced in his eyes startled me. And he made no attempt to hide it from me, there or through our bond in the Force. It was intense and beautiful, and somehow I felt my heart breaking.

In a rush my words spilt forth, "I worry about us, all the time. Through a hard lesson I've learned that anything, no matter how strong the love clinging to it, can be ripped away without a moment's notice. I love you. When you're gone I miss you, and when I'm not by your side or in your presence I worry about losing you. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you"

He lay there looking so concerned, and almost pained that I regretted having spoken at all. I closed my eyes again, and felt tears welling up behind my eyelids. Why was I being so ridiculous? I was supposed to be the "Sword of the Jedi," the strong one that everyone could always count on in a fight. The person who wasn't meant to falter or misstep.

I turned back around so I was no longer facing Kyp, and so he wouldn't see the silent tears that began to glide from my eyes. I couldn't understand the emotions coursing through me, or why I was so panicked. I was being foolish – I knew it – yet I couldn't find the strength to overcome my fears. I could stare my own death in the face, but I could not bear the thought of losing the person who completed me.

I felt him shift behind me. He moved the hair away from my shoulder, and replaced it with a soft kiss. More tears fell. He laid his head there, upon my shoulder, and gently began stroking my hair.

I was overwhelmed by the conviction that the next time he left, it would be for good. The powers that be had already claimed so much from me, I could see no reason why they wouldn't want to take Kyp too. I had been powerless to stop it before, why would this time be any different?

For how long we stayed like that I do not know. He just continued to offer silent comfort, and I continued to let my grief pour out.

Finally though, his hand stopped and he moved to a sitting position. "Jaina, look at me."

I swiped my hand across my cheeks to remove the tears and sat up as well. There was now sadness there on his face.

"Jaina I love you more than I know how to show you. For so long you have been everything to me. You're my guiding light. You have made me a better person, and renewed my faith that there is goodness in the galaxy." He smiled, "You said yes to me, accepted me, and I can never repay that."

Another tear escaped, despite my best efforts. "I don't know what to say to reassure you, except to simply say I'm not going anywhere. It's not possible." He wiped away the tear. "I don't know how to live without you. If I ever lost you, I know I would forget how to breathe. I would cease being."

I lowered my eyelids, and dropped my head. The tears fell freely.

"You're my everything. There's no other way I know how to say it." He raised my chin so that I was once again looking at him. "You're the reason I find the strength to get up each morning and continue to rebuild. I do it in the hopes of making the galaxy a safer place for you."

Kyp cupped my head in his hands. "All that matters is you. All that I need is you. I will not abandon you. Ever."

I felt myself trembling, and an instant later his lips were on mine. He poured all his love into that kiss, with the force of his words behind it.

I didn't know what I ever did to deserve him. My life so far had been one wrought with mistakes. Irreversible ones that I believed I should be punished for. Yet here was this man, giving me every bit of the love he possessed, and asking for nothing in return.

We broke apart, he kissed my cheek, and then rested his forehead against mine.

"I love you."

I released a shaky breath and replied, "I love you too."

We kissed once more, and he said, "Come here."

I curled up by his side and he wrapped his arms tightly and protectively around me.

"You have nothing to fear Jay. I'm yours forever," he whispered. And I knew he was right. Life would always have its difficulties, but suddenly it didn't seem so impossible with him there to take on the challenges with me.

It wasn't long before the anxiety began to drain from me, and at last, we both found sleep.

FINIS


End file.
